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Subject: Am I imagining it? 2 Replies

  • Started by on May 26, 2016
My baby is 3 months old. I love her and I love my husband so much but my brain hurts from trying not to cry. Firstly, I never wanted children. But my husband considered it a deal breaker and after a lot of serious consideration I agreed, my mother was a real mammy and my sister who had an unplanned teenage pregnancy turned out to be unbelievably maternal so I thought it would be alright. My husband's brother is the main caregiver to his children as his wife is not really maternal either, we often discussed that our family would need to be like that if we went ahead with it. What a donkey I was. I believed him and it turns out he was just nodding and agreeing, believing that once the baby arrived I would turn into his own mother. He works away during the week (always did, I don't complain about this) but when he comes home at the weekend he prioritises the farm and his friends and what he considers his entitlement to a few pints. He will rock in on Friday, lift her, have a laugh, then pass her back and head out to feed cows. His weekend is taken up with anything but us. He regularly leaves the house to do something and doesn't return until the next morning. I appreciate very much that he's the only one working (I am not entitled to maternity pay) which is a lot of pressure, but it hurts that I'm last on the list. Secondly, I'm terrified. I've been terrified from the moment I discovered I was pregnant and it hasn't let up. I knew I'd be like this which is exactly why I never wanted kids. I'm 7 yrs older than my youngest brother and as our mother died when we were young I've always felt like he was "mine". He's 27 now and I lie awake nights worrying that something will happen him. So obviously this has now also happened with my daughter .... I knew it would. I have a sick feeling of terror in my stomach constantly, I feel certain something will happen to her. I can't visualise her grown up because I'm certain she will die. It haunts me. I don't think this qualifies as "depression" though. I'm tired but only a reasonable amount. I don't have a problem getting up with her in the morning. I love her dearly and would do anything to prevent harm to her. What is this? I don't want to hop on a pnd bandwagon if everyone feels like this. But I don't want to waste the first months of her life crying if there is a little tablet or whatever that can just ping me back to normality.
  • Started by Joanne on May 26, 2016
My baby is 10 weeks old and I'm not coping very well. I'm anxious all the time and can't relax. I question every little decision that I have to make for him. I've been trying to get him into a daily routine to see if that helps but I can't seem to get him into it. I end up feeling like I've failed and that I'm a bad mother. Is this PND. Most days I don't want to leave the house as I feel guilty that I'm not at home helping him get into a routine'

Subject: Just need to get it out 2 Replies

  • Started by Ann on May 12, 2016
Hi all, just need to get my feelings out. I have two beautiful girls, 4 and six months. I have my all to my first baby and just feel like I have nothing left to give to my second...which is just the most horrible feeling. I adore her but feel that she is being short changed as she isn't getting the same focus that my first had. I am trying to be all things to them both which I know rationally I can't. I feel like a failure of I am not on my 'A' game all the time and just can't seem to accept that it is ok to drop my standards. I am worrying about everything and can't live in the moment at all. I adore my girls so much and deep down know that I am doing a good job but just don't feel it. I am so afraid of letting them down and feel that I have because the doc has prescribed me meds. I just feel like a failure. They are both so good and that makes me feel even more inadequate because I feel that I'd have an excuse for feeling this way of that were difficult children. My biggest fear is that I will let them down by not giving them my all but as I said I don't feel I have anything left to give...which scares me so much. I feel so alone at the moment because my husband and everybody else keep telling me how great I am doing...which just mean it's true....right? So why can't I convince myself of this. I hate how I am feeling right now

Subject: Back to work and family life 5 Replies

  • Started by Ciara on May 04, 2016
Hi all, I just have a question. I struggled with depression for years on and off but I thought I'd really recovered and had been happy for about 2 years. I then got pregnant and I just wouldn't let myself get down about things because I felt guilty that my negative thoughts would damage the baby. I had a beautiful baby girl 7 mths ago and I'd do anything for her. I have kept strong, remained extremely calm but since I had to return to work 6 weeks ago I don't feel like I'm coping. I'm exhausted, my husband isn't as hands on as I thought he would be so I'm still her primary care giver. It's almost as though I'm a single parent, I do everything myself; everything with the baby, every night feed, the cooking and cleaning of the house and now I've a 50hr stressful week to deal with. I know I've been bottling up how much I'm not ok but I just feel tonight that if I started crying I really wouldn't stop. I feel I've left my daughter down so much, I'm not getting on with her dad, I don't think we will be together much longer and I feel I've failed her. I hate my job and feel I'm missing out on my baby but know if we split up I have to have an income to support us. It's like I'm trapped? Does this happen all new mums? I know I can't continue this way and that something has gotta give but I don't know where to start.

Subject: feel like no end to pnd 5 Replies

  • Started by Dee on Apr 30, 2016
I have been suffering from pnd now for almost 9 months now. Been on seroxate for 6months. I am finding it very hard. I can get up and go to work but find it hard to get a handle on intrusive negative thoughts. I just feel like it will never end. Has anyone else had this experience. I am getting soooo frustrated. Would love dome insight from others. Thank you
  • Started by Marie on Apr 05, 2016
I was so excited when I discovered I was pregnant, read lods of maternity books and thought I totally prepared. I always have been independant and self assured and I end up with PND, I just could not believe it. I pretended everything was perfect (putting myself under so much pressure) the only one that I confided in was my husband. I am 3 months down the road and have so many up and down days. Feel I not a proper Mum and wonder will I ever get better.
  • Started by AnnMarie on Mar 21, 2016 I'm a Mum of two, a 16 year old and a 9 month old, each time I got PDN, each time the shame nearly crippled me. I dont know where this shame came from, and if it was simply a symptom of the PDN for me, but I know it stopped me seeking help for a long time in both cases. My experience with depression has led me to do a degree in Psychotherapy and I'm in third year presently and conducting a research project into PDN. I would be thrilled if any of you could fill this in. It is entirely anonymous and I just have a short piece to read first: I would like to extend my sincerest gratitude in advance for taking the time to participate in this survey, providing you choose to do so. I have a personal interest in the suffering of Post Natal Depression and the link between shame and seeking treatment. As part of my research as a trainee psychotherapist, it is part of my third year criteria to conduct a research into an area of my choice. My own personal experience of Post Natal Depression and feelings of shame associated with this, led me to choose this particular topic for my research project. In order to conduct my research I have decided to devise a questionnaire on monkey survey directed to mothers that have experienced Post Natal Depression and ask participants to lend their own personal experience to the body of my work. These questions can potentially evoke feelings of sadness or ignite a reminder of a possibly very painful time in your life, to this end I would like to list out the relevant support services available for PDN or indeed depression of any kind. I would also like to lend my own services to counsel a participant who has been affected directly by the participation in my questionnaire. My personal contact number is 085 737 8582, please feel free to reach out to me for support. Please find below relevant support services: With regard to confidentiality, please be aware that your identity and contribution to the study are anonymous, as is the nature of the ‘Monkey Survey’ internet site. If for any reason you are unable to complete the survey, you have the right to withdraw. Please find the link below to complete the questionnaire. Many thanks for your contribution to my study and I wish you the very best of luck with your own research projects. Kind Regards
  • Started by Gill on Mar 23, 2016
I couldnt wait to be pregnant and have a baby to make our life complete. Why did no one tell me how difficult it was going to be. I am exhausted all the time and really dont feel like I have bonded with my baby, I am affraid to tell anyone. What should I do?

Subject: Do I have PND? 2 Replies

  • Started by Karen on Apr 15, 2016
Hi there, Just a bit of advice please. My baby is 6 months old. I feel like he has just had issue after issue. Problems feeding on the breast which I fought through for 4 months to exclusively feed him with low weight gain. Severe colic until 12 weeks old which was hell on earth, then eczema which we think may be dairy related. Put him on a special formula which he hates so I fight through every feed with him which is exhausting. Now to add to it all he is waking 4 times a night. I was fine for the first 4 months but the last 2 months it has just all got on top of me. Once my baby is doing well and in good form I'm totally fine but when he goes through a day of not feeding or has a big eczema flare up I cannot cope anymore. I feel like I just can't win and in angry that it's all so hard. The phn said she doesn't think it's PND as most of the time I'm ok but I really don't know what to do about it all. I never thought having a baby would be so hard
  • Started by Katie on Dec 21, 2015
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