Reply to Dad suffering PND with no support

Posted By Anonymous on Jan 19, 2021

Our little boy is 5 months old and since the start has been an extremely difficult and demanding baby. The nurses at the hospital recognised this within a day and its held true since. About 80% of his time awake he winges or cries. We do everything we can to take care of his needs but it takes the two of us constantly taking care of him to get through a day. This causes massive guilt when I go to work knowing she has to deal with him alone. Because of work we moved to the west with all our friends and family and support outside of each other back east. Thanks to covid we cant travel or have help come to us so have been doing most of the last 5 months alone. I've felt down or stressed a lot during the time but I know she is also suffering from PND and I've done all I can to help and support her. One of the things I've done is mask my own stress and depression which is often enough to bring me to tears when she's not around. I'm experiencing horrible feelings and behaviours I never did before. If any cracks show in me she gets more upset with the combo of the baby's constant whining and my own upset. It ends up causing fights and makes me feel even more guilty for it. I dont feel like I've any support at home. And that I'm trying to hold together 3 people by myself. This forum is also the first and only support I've seen anywhere available in Ireland for dads, and although I'm sure it will help, its disheartening to see theres nowhere else that offers any support directly for dads. Anyway, getting it off my chest is a small start even if nothing comes of it

Posted By Lisa @ PND Ireland on Jan 20, 2021

Hi Adam, thankyou so much for reaching out. You did the best thing for your own well being and your family. First of all I want to say I am sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. Please remember, it won't always be like this, many parents experience a challenging time after their baby is born and I do not say that to devalue your experience right now - I say it to let you know you are genuinely not alone in your experience of feeling this way and again it won't always be like this, nothing is permanent - even challenging times, difficult experiences, horrible feelings and behaviours - everything changes and everything moves forward in time with the support and steps that you can take. First of all, let hope and faith be your number 1 that everything is going to be ok (even when it seems like it isn't ) and you can and will get through this - both of you will and there is support available for you in a few ways. There is no shame whatsoever in facing challenging times and taking the right steps to help yourself and I admire you, your honesty and added strength to reach out here for support. I think it could be beneficial for you if you would consider an appointment with your GP - they are very understanding of stress and overwhelming feelings, especially after a baby is born and I think it might be an option if you would be open to that and discuss what you have said here to see if the GP can support you in any way with some of what you are experiencing. That is the first most important step after reaching out - you've reached out and so now we can make a plan together to set up various supports for you so I would definitely see the GP appointment as being the first step., also there are online therapy sessions available, some at a reduced cost - this is simply to suggest a confidential , understanding 'space' for you to be able to chat openly about what you are experiencing if you would like to consider that also. Due to Covid, many are doing online sessions or phone sessions and you will easily come across them in a google search that you can chose yourself who you think may suit you - this is just another avenue for you if you would like that space with a qualified person that can also guide you and have a chat with you around how you are feeling right now. We are also a support organisation and we are and will be available to you to chat any time, directly by phone @ 0834850689 or online by private message @ 'PND Ireland' on facebook if you prefer. These messages are checked 5 days a week, Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm so messages are responded to regularly and promptly. You mentioned that your partner/wife is suffering from PND and you have done all you can to support her, please do let us know if we can support her too in anyway also - just know that we are here. We also arrange online zoom support meetings for the mom's with PND to chat with each other and to support each other if it is something she would like to attend she is most welcome also. With regard to yourself, if you would like a call from us here for a chat or would like to contact us please do so in any of the ways I have mentioned. You can also send your number to us in a private message on facebook and request a call back at a time that would suit you, Please know, even if you are feeling alone right now - you are genuinely not alone and if in the event you ever just wanted to chat to someone at any time over a coffee or tea and from the comfort of your own home - even during the night, the Samaritans are also an invaluable, confidential and free service that is available 24/7 for any person that would like to reach out, regardless of what it is about. Please don't hesitate to contact me again if I can be of any further help and do stay in touch to let me know how you are doing. Everything is going to be ok. Regards, Lisa @ PND.