I had my first baby 18 weeks ago. She is doing great, happy and healthy. I should be too. But I find i am either extremely happy and laughing or down and wishing I wasnt here. I would never actually do anything as I know I dont want to leave my baby alone. But i keep thinking how everyone elses life would be easier if we didn't exist. Her father abandoned me at 7 months as he had his own issues to deal with. We got back on contact after her birth but I have recently gone no contact as I think the flip flopping on how he says he feels too much to handle. He is not from Ireland and has no opportunity to come here due to visas at the moment. I also dont speak the same language as his family so contact there is limited. Within my own family I just feel like a burden. I am living in the family home in a box room with my baby. At 30+ years of age I am ashamed of the situation I have got myself in. I should of been smarter and prevented pregnancy. Financially I am relying on my own savings and government assistance but that makes me feel even moreso as a burden. I know I am stressed and due to feeling stuck I am sad. But it also feels like more than just being down due to my circumstances, i truely just think everyone bar my baby would be better off if i didnt exist or at the very least never got pregnant
Hi there, you seem to be going through an awful time, it is not easy being a first time mum especially doing it on your own and having other problems along. Being a first time mum is always a huge change your whole life is changed forever. the first few months are a real adjustment , lack of sleep, anxiety, loss of appetite etc. you want to do everything yourself not accept help as may look like a sign of weekness. please accept help and dont be adraid to ask for it, especially in the first few months.
Please don't feel like you are alone. I am going through something similar. My partner has been flip flopping also and today he said he wants to end things I managed to convince him to try a different approach to save our relationship but I'm scared it won't work and I will end up coping with heartache of losing him and being a single mum. Please please know that I have had those thoughts too about it I wasnt here..... But know these are just thoughts not facts and these thoughts will pass. I'm cheering for you and don't even need to know you to know you are fab and a great mum. You had the strength to cut contact with the dad. Maybe I am right in believing things will work out with my guy but my mind often thinks I'm too much of a coward to walk away. You were brave and did this. If you want to chat further I am happy to add you on FB but either way know you are amazing and don't give up :)