I'm really confused by how I am feeling. I had 2 babies back to back and my second was premature by 2 months, followed by a long NICU stay which left me severely rundown. I'm being treated by therapists and offered medication. However no one has actually said the term PND. Reason I'm confused is because I have only a very small circle outside all this and no one has ever mentioned the possibility of me having it. Instead they are sick of my up and down feelings and tell me I will regret missing out because I'm always so full of anxiety, panic and sadness. I feel quite distant from my baby also. Given he arrived early, it was quite a traumatic lead up to the birth and I also didn't get to hold him until some time later. Following the birth I just went into survival mode and not sure I've fully come out of it. I tried talking to my husband and even broke down but he shut me down and in a roundabout way told me I was being ridiculous. As a result, I never uttered a word about it again and now I just shut down when it gets too much (which in turn causes conflict between us now). Reason I'm confused is because I hear "these are all normal feelings" so much. Yet none of this feels normal to me. Not sure I need to hear the words PND and know I am not going insane but the fact my circle just see me as constantly moody and a nightmare to be around upsets me so much. I genuinely feel absolutely no one understands. I'm being treated as though it is PND but they haven't actually said it to me so is it that. I'm just so confused and feel so lonely.
It sounds like you're having a very tough time, I am sorry that you are having these feelings. Have you been to visit your GP or PHN? I would strongly urge you to start there if not. We offer support to mums who are having a tough time and also hold meeting, both in person if you're in Cork or via zoom. They can be a great way to meet other mums going through similar situations. Please get in touch with us if you feel like a chat or if you would prefer to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.