- Started by Nessa on Dec 04, 2019
Hi Guys, i just saw this today and thought id message for some support.
I've a 14 month old boy, never had any difficulty bonding with him, but have been feeling low and isolated since prob last xmas. I started back smoking around tgen I literally chain smoke and drink coffee everyday. We moved to a new area at the start of my babas life i did go to mother and baby groups and baby massage, but stopped going to baby massage, i just wanted to stay in the house smoking outside, i was finding it more difficult to put on facade with people and this cyclecontinued, id make excuses for not meeting people usually my child was sick. He started solids at 4 months and at tge start i was great at pureeing everything. But i struggled at the dinners for him, hes not 14 months and has never had meat, i also have an obsession about him choking, he now eats very little in creche etc .. i put off going to my parents cause my mom doesnt understand why im still pureeing, and why he doesn't eat mash or pasta or anything. I am not great at eating, and now mealtimes in our house are so frustrating because he eats nothing, i blame myself , because i became disinterested, stopped readingthe nutrition books was too much of an effort to go to grocey shopping its just terrible. My child is always sick with throat infections and again i blame myself cause of the smell of smoke on my clothes. Things with my partner are not great he has hisown issues with drink etc. I think hes so frustrated with me now, when the weekend comes aroundin my head im like yeah we'll go to animal farm with him or something but i end up staying in my dressing gown tol afternoon, and going back to bed with mu son for his nap
.its not right for my poor baba, my partner is not very supportive, not once has he got up in the middle of the night to my son, i went out one night with the girls before returning to work, my child was up at midnight crying in bed with daddy wet nappy got no bottle, and he just gave him to me and gave put to me for going out on a sunday night, ive never gone out since then , im afraid that daddy doesnt look after him, also my partner got really drunk oct bank holiday, where police were called because he tried to choke me, everyone now not talking to me unless i move away from him, so now im totally on my own with no family support and my black hole is getting worse, insteas of my partner giving me support i got abused for going out or for him being frustrated with how im behaving. Im off work for two weeks on stress leave, i cant face getting up to go to work or put my child in creche, in the back of my mind , im also trying to think about leaving my partner maybe so all this on top of PND is crippling me, i exist now i dont live
- Started by CC on Oct 08, 2019
I went through a difficult birth with my daughter 10 months ago. I was induced, 17 hours of back labour which ended up with an emergency c section, post partum heamorage and blood transfusion. The first night I had to stay in acute care and couldn’t look after my baby because I was so ill so she spent her first night in the special baby’s unit. All this affected my milk supply and long story short it never came in and I never got to BF despite really wanting to. I’m now going through post natal depression and anxiety. I’m taking anti depressant and attending counseling. I’m wondering if the birth might have had an impact on the reason why I developed PND and my bond with my baby and would like to hear other mums experiences of birth trauma and PND.
- Started by Emah on Apr 15, 2016
Just wondering what support groups are available in Limerick area. Playgroups aren't ideal as by the time I get my toddler there she is tired and I'm just shadowing her from trying to go out door so doesn't give me chance to talk to other moms, feel so isolated!
- Started by Cindy Lund on Feb 04, 2016
Hi I was diagnosed with PND immediately after the birth of my first child 14 years ago. I felt like my world had been turned upside down. I became extremely anxious, couldn't sleep at all and felt completely overwhelmed. My doctor gave me medication which didn't help at all, then I was referred to the local psychiatric unit and was told more or less to 'pull myself together'. That was it. I did find some relief eventually when referred to a private psychiatrist who changed my meds but they worked for a while then stopped. Basically I soon realised that the birth had triggered a lot of issues for me which I had never dealt with. I have been working on them since - it's been hard but with the help of homeopathy and counselling together I am a much happier, healthier person now than I was before I had children. It is an ongoing journey and not easy. We all have to find our own way but support is essential and I really feel that more support groups are vital. I lived an hour from Cork at the time and in the state I was in just couldn't get to the meetings. A local meeting would have been brilliant. I am interested in setting up a group in south Galway where I now live and work as a healer and artist. I am no longer anxious or depressed but I still have some sleep issues. For all those who are struggling with this I empathise. It is awful. You feel guilty for not being over the moon about your beautiful child. But be kind to yourself. Parenting opens a real Pandora's box. It shows up all your doubts and fears, all your weaknesses as well as your strengths. But this is a positive thing because it gives you an insight into stuff you may need to deal with - we all have it but tend to ignore it until a crisis, trauma or stressful situation like becoming a parent brings it up. My sincere hope is that more support groups countrywide are set up and that awareness of all the options for healing (and there are many, apart from meds) is increased. If anyone needs to talk I would be very happy to share my experience. There is hope and you will get through this.
- Started by Anonymous on Jul 28, 2018
I look at old photos of me and it's like a different person. I'm beaming, bubbly and happy, in every single one. I can't remember the last time i felt like that. I've been struggling for 2 years now, and when I last posted here, one reply suggested I wasn't doing enough to help myself and need to get out more. But going anywhere is now a chore. I cry at the drop of the hat, and get really irritable with my kids. My eldest knew a completely different mammy, than the mammy my youngest has grown up with the last couple of years. I can feel myself putting on a front each time i'm around my parents and other family. I don't even know what to say to my doctor if i go, i dont want to sound like i'm looking for attention or pity. I have had thoughts of not so pleasant things once or twice, but know it would never come to that as i'd never leave my kids, but even having those thoughts scares me. My husband can be great, but i can tell he thinks i'm just miserable these days and he misses how i was too. I can't imagine needing medication for this, i keep thinking i can get a handle on it, but i just feel like i've lost who i am, lost my spark. In our recent holiday pics, my eyes look dead or something, i cant even explain it. I just needed a rant on a bad day x
- Started by Mags on Jun 23, 2020
Feel so isolated and alone is this virus ever going to end? The only person I see is my husband, my parents are afraid to call. No support for new Mums really feel I am slipping, the day is so long cant even cant go to supermarket as so afraid I be refused entry. I do try to go for a walk except for last few days when raining. Please tell me I am not the only one going through this..
- Started by Sophia on Jun 01, 2020
I'm sorry this is going to be long. But I haven't slept properly in weeks and I think writing this all down is the only way to release some of the excruciating pain and anger I've had pent up for so many years.
As early as I can remember I was physically abused by my mother. I also remember being terrified of my father and if I think too hard I remember other things he did to me...I must have been around 3 years old. I then have to quickly stop thinking in case I lose all control over being able to deal with work life etc. When I was perhaps 4 I remember my mum with blood on her locking the front door after a massive fight with my dad and we all being picked up by the police to go to the station. Afterwards I never saw my dad again, but my mum had some other boyfriends coming over. When I was 14 my mum accused me of flirting with one her creepier ones because we were both watching TV. I felt so dirty and ashamed. Before then as early as 5 my mum would hit me, call me bitch etc and favour my brother. We were also incredibly poor and I was very skinny.
At school I was ignored and ostracized by both peers and teachers. I never understood why but now I know it was because I was from a single parent family. Teachers would scream at me, I remember in nursery one sending me out because I dropped a tissue. Consequently I had no friends at school. I also looked different: I had and still have massive curly hair. One kid told me it was sign my hair was damaged. A kids parent said I looked like an Indian (ikr wtf). Anyway basically I grew up never really feeling love except I was so sensitive to other people, I would give away my things, do anything to make others feel better. I think I was desperate for acceptance.
I was then bullied at high school. Chewing gum in hair, having hair pulled, called geek, witch etc.
I managed to somehow get into university studying engineering despite my mum saying I would be back in a year. However I was a doormat. I had abusive friends, I was put down constantly. I was then effectively groomed by my future supervisor to do a PhD. I had bad vibe about him but my mum told me to do his bidding and that I should be so grateful.
What followed was 5 years of hell. I was harassed and bullied by my supervisor, and sexually harassed by others in the research group. One kept groping me in the office and I just accepted that as normal. I thought I was going crazy and that I was the crazy one, that I was too stupid to understand anything etc. My then boyfriend was also a psychopath - he eventually dumped me but then threatened to kill himself if I didn't go back out with him. Because I felt so guilty I went to see him still and he would just use me sexually and one time I asked him to stop and he wouldn't. My friends all said I led him on and they ditched me as well. One of these friends was a girl who plied me with drink and molested me. Another female friend put diazepam in my drinks and would spread rumours about me- I realise now I think she wanted me dead.
My supervisor became more aggressive. I started drinking heavily and several times I considered suicide.
Eventually I met someone who was so kind. We grew close and I started to realise I was being abused by my supervisor. I submitted a complaint to the university and the university sabotaged the complaint. They made it go on for the longest possible time. I was begging the lead investigator to end it and she just ignored me. In her outcome she said it was my fault. My other supervisor said I was weak and didn't take ownership, implying I deserved the abuse. The evidence was so overwhelming though they had to make him retire. But I never received an apology and my career in academia was over.
Somehow I managed to get a job. And then another man decided to target me. He discovered my partner arranged a surprise birthday for me and he wasn't invited. Just to add this guy didn't know my partner and this party was a personal event. Afterwards he would exclude me from all projects and everyone else in my team ignored me too to stay in this bastards good books. I went to HR and it was suggested I go to confidence training. Eventually I handed in my notice after this man threatened me and I couldn't take it anymore. The 3 month hand in notice period was the worst. I was so stressed and ill. I got into an argument with my partner and he kicked in the door. I disassociated just like I did as a child and I decided I would go to Dignitas. I had also discovered my dad had raised a new family after being in prison, and pretended we had never existed. His daughter, my half sister, contacted me and a cousin said he was a loving father.
My grandmother also died at this time. I was not very close with her because I couldn't deal with her passive aggressiveness but I had not been to see her for many years and this was because I was a coward and prioritized the shit PhD. I didn't go to her funeral and was in Japan with my partner at an academic conference. I regret this deeply.
I decided to go to therapy as a last ditch attempt but I had to register with doctor to do so. That is when I discovered I was 5 months pregnant.
My company begged me to stay and told this guy to back off. He did and he pretended that I never existed. He would walk out the room when I entered he would look past me. I STILL do not understand what I did to warrant that.
I stayed for a few more months but I couldn't deal with how everyone pretended nothing had happened. Plus they reposition him directly behind me in office. I couldn't deal with being treated by this guy fir no reason. When I asked my line manager why they got defensive and told me to focus on the baby. When I asked HR why she suggested confidence training when I sent to her for help she literally ignored me and had me excluded from the Christmas party and ladies lunch. This is one month after she had wished me well with the baby.
During the pregnancy the midwives were psychopaths. When I was in labour they didn't believee because I could talk on the phone. I was in fact 8cm dilated when I turned up at a shitty clinic 10 mins later. It meant I had no epidural despite me desperately making sure I would have access to one beforehand. Afterwards my partner's parents told me off how I was holding the baby. At one point he was screaming in their arms and I was asking them to give him back and they wouldn't. I ALMOST snapped and would just walked out, but again I didn't and just wore the same mask, making sure everyone was comfortable while I was screaming inside.
I have a beautiful amazing baby boy. I love him so much but at night I get so angry that I let him go through so much while he was inside because I was such a doormat, weak and pathetic. I think of all these people at my old work and how they could have put me through.
I don't understand what I did. I've been described as quiet and gentle by genuine friends. I can't trust anyone. I could have got past my childhood, the PhD but the experience while pregnant has been the final nail in the coffin. I'm so angry to the point that I hit my head and myself and scream into the pillow. Yet I feel so numb. I most people. I don't want to deal with other parents when my son gets old enough to go to school. I don't want him to become anything like me.
I also started thinking back to the James Bulger case recently and I can't stop crying and having panic attacks about it. I can't even fathom how scared he must have been and it breaks my heart.
I don't know the point of this post. I think I need help. I've been to therapists but I can't talk about my early childhood and I think that is probably where the problem stems. Some of the therapists were awful and manipulative. I am hope writing this will help.
- Started by AD on May 17, 2020
Looking for some advice. Have been feeling really low since the birth of my girl last year. I experience bad days of crying and once or twice and had thoughts along the lines of leaving or “what would happen if I wasn’t here and how would I do it”. My doctor thinks my feelings are proportional to the current situation of isolation but I worry that it is more than that. Wondering if counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy is useful in PND, or is medication the only route? I would love to feel happy and strong again, for everyone’s sake but not sure where to start. Thank you
- Started by Amanda on May 15, 2020
Hi All, I was diagnosed with PND when my daughter was 20 months old, i have been taking lexapro 20mg since October, i have had some counselling sessions i also speak with my work company doctor and health at work nurse aswell as my own GP. I felt I was starting to feel better in myself but over the last month or so i feel like i am gone backwards, somedays are good days others are really bad,. i feel tired all the time, i have normal conversations with family/friends and my husband but if i was asked what the conversation was about the next day i wouldn't be able to say, I am so disconnected. Has anyone else felt like this?
- Started by Katie on Apr 28, 2020
I am a first time mom my little man is 8 weeks and suffering with colic. Since 3 weeks I feel so low teary and full of dread fear and anxiety daily. I can't or sleep. He's an extra special baby as I had 3 miscarraige prior to this. I'm.on meds but they haven't yet kicked in. I feel so lonely and awful all the time and I hate feeling like this it should be such a happy time..Any advice appreciated and if there is anyone in the same position. Will it ever get easier?