- Started by Cm on Dec 14, 2017
At first I felt all the joys of mother hood and now 10 months in I feel like something is blocking my happiness & love. I keep telling myself it’s just the tiredness but I think I’m fooling myself? I’m afraid my daughter is going to be effected because some days I can hardly raise a smile. I’m afraid to seek help as I feel like a bad mother and a failure. I’m also afraid I’ll be ‘watched’ because I’ve admitted what’s going on. All I want is my baby to be brought up in a happy loving home.
- Started by Anonymous on Nov 21, 2017
My baby lost 13% weightloss in 5 days, i was trying to exclusively breast feed, she was then hospitalised. I keep thinking it was my fault, i didnt wake her enough to feed( she was a slwepy baby) or was i to tired i slept through the cries. its all such a mess in my head now. I keep remembering certain times when perhaps i didnt do the right thing. Im not sure if im tainting the truth in my head or not. I just keep thinking about it in my head & cry & cry at the thought i could have starved her. At hospital she did gain some weight they fed her through my expressed breast milk, but then used Formula as i couldn't express enough for demand. She did put on weight and would feed at the bottle. Im angry at myself as well for not knowing enough when she wouldn't feed at home. Why didn't i know i could express and why didnt i have a good breast pump. Why didn't i give her formula when she wasnt feeding - although these are all things i know i could do now i didn't know at the time nor did i think she would take a bottle if she didn't take the breast. I now know that not to be true. When we got home i still couldnt get her to latch so we stuck with the formula. A few days later we were back in hospital and found out she had an extreamly serious virus. When she got the correct medication she completly changed however by then my milk was drying up and as much as i tried it never fully returned. If the virus meant she wasnt feeding im not sure. either way i cant help to keep going over and over in my head if the reason she lost so much weight is my fault
- Started by Joana on Nov 22, 2017
Hi. First of all I have to tell the whole story of my last two years. I moved to Ireland with my husband. Adapted perfectly but after a while problems from our past surfaced out and long story short, we decided to divorce. Meanwhile I found the love of my life. My ex never wanted kids no matter what and I wanted them but for some stupid reason I was assuring myself that I don't need them. Like I said we split up in the end and that was one of the reasons(my new partner adores kids). Financial reasons kept me in the same house with my ex for 2 months while separated(separated rooms, living like roommates, minor arguing). He used that situation to snap and rape me on Christmas night. I went to garda in the morning and reported it all. Went through hell of examination, questionings and the process is still on after 11 months. (Sometimes I feel like he is gonna go free about it, like nothing happened). I had to move town with my partner, lived in fear for months not knowing what is going on and if he will haunt me, finances a bust, I had very good career now working in fast food for minimum wage)He is living his dream life. Spending money on fancy dinners and going out, having 3000€ holiday while I struggle to pay off the loan that we mutually got but on my name years ago. He of course has a very young attractive girl that is trying to impress.. basically giving her everything that he never gave me in 7 years. We did divorce but the only way to do it was to agree that the loan stays on me. Stupid, i know, but it was the only way. My dad died suddenly, young, in February. I maxed out more of my credit cards to fly home, pay for the funeral etc. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Unbelievably good, heartwarming and lovely news for me and my partner. Found out that I was pregnant while raped(no chance whatsoever that the baby is my ex's). Fearing the whole pregnancy if it's gonna be ok (got day after pill while pregnant, smoked like a chimney 3 months not knowing I was pregnant-found out while 15 weeks). Got extremely high blood pressure and ended up hospitalised 3 times. Last time I was in before labor, three weeks laying on max dose of pills to get the pressure lower and they didn't work. Thank God, she was born 36+6, emergency section(she started dropping severely) but healthy as a clam. Beautiful, perfect baby. She is 11 weeks now. Breastfeeding was horrible in the beginning cause my nipples cracked so bad I was missing parts of them. I didn't wanna give up no matter what. She started being colicky very fast and we are sleeping on the couch in the living room since we came home. I think colic are going away, breasts are fine, now I enjoy feeding her. She won't sleep in the Moses basket or crib no matter what. During the day yes but nights no way. She is on my chest or lately I am teaching her to be by my side at least and it works. My partner works a lot. He is a darling and unbelievably understanding and kind and a good dad. But I just can't tell him that I am depressed. I can't burden him more. It's not fair. I started feeling very sad, depressed, wanna cry all the time. Thinking bout my dad, finances, my ex, rape case, not sleeping properly, started eating more than needed... the only thing I do all day is watch TV, cook and take care of her. I feel unbelievably alone. No one to talk to. I love her indescribable and I would never harm her or me. But I just feel very bad. Is it possible that I just feel this way cause of all the things that happened to me this year? Can I be just overwhelmed? I can't go to therapy cause I don't have a car or money for public transportation or anyone to watch on her while I'm away. I really don't wanna bother my partner. I wanna avoid any meds if possible.. please, I need an advice... can it be that it will pass with time? Will it get easier?
- Started by Cathy on Aug 17, 2017
This PND is a terrible illness, feel so lonely no one to talk to no family around. My Husband works long hours and I feel I cant be worrying him with my problems. Dont know how to help myself, the thoughts just keep going around in my head.
- Started by Emah on Apr 15, 2016
Just wondering what support groups are available in Limerick area. Playgroups aren't ideal as by the time I get my toddler there she is tired and I'm just shadowing her from trying to go out door so doesn't give me chance to talk to other moms, feel so isolated!
- Started by Trish on Aug 01, 2017
Have had terrible Post natal Depression for the last months and really worried that it will have an effect on my baby. there are days that I just cant smile and others where I cant stop crying. I feel so guilty and am so afraid that this will effect him in some way.
- Started by Trish on Jul 25, 2017
I have 3 kids had PND on second and just told have it again, I am so afraid to go on Medication as I hated the side effects. I was so sure that I would be ok this time thought I had everything covered, I feel so let down.
- Started by Anonymous on Jul 10, 2017
Hi, my baby is 8 months now and I just feel so bad I can't even explain it its just bad I feel bad and empty all the time. Everyone just calls me a moan and a crank but I just have the urge to rip clumps form my hair and smash my head against a wall ( I don't actually go through with it) I havnt told anyone how I'm feeling and nobody ever asks. If they did I know I'd break down in front of them. My partner has found me crying in the dark a few times but he just believes me when I say I just read a sad story and leaves me to it. I've no ill feelings towards my baby I love the bones off her so that's why I'm afraid to say out loud I have pnd incase it ever gets used against me ( not that it would it's just what I think) i would happily tell a doctor and take tablets but would the tablets turn me into a zombi? I don't want that but I don't want these feelings anymore :( I can't afford counselling
- Started by Anonomous on Jun 27, 2017
Hi I have just been told today that I have postnatal depression my baby is 3 months old and I'm scared to take medication I have slot of challenges at the moment my partner in prison I have a tree year old and very alone any advice.
- Started by Anonymous on Jun 10, 2017
I have two kids,and after having our 2nd I didn't have the same instant feelings as first time round. She had severe colic and I literally slept on a couch with her on my chest for 3 months straight. Things all improved and I am so lucky with them both. But for the majority of the last 12 months (she's now 2) I am feeling extremely low, no motivation, suffer mood swings and find myself being so irritated by things that have never bothered me before. I also get bad cabin fever being at home and find my days so mundane, I used to be really outgoing and bubbly but feel like a totally different person. Is it possible this could be postnatal depressed so late on?? I love my girls, but feel like I want to escape most days and am slowly crumbling.