Reply to PND and no support network

Posted By Anonymous on Dec 04, 2019

Hi Guys, i just saw this today and thought id message for some support. I've a 14 month old boy, never had any difficulty bonding with him, but have been feeling low and isolated since prob last xmas. I started back smoking around tgen I literally chain smoke and drink coffee everyday. We moved to a new area at the start of my babas life i did go to mother and baby groups and baby massage, but stopped going to baby massage, i just wanted to stay in the house smoking outside, i was finding it more difficult to put on facade with people and this cyclecontinued, id make excuses for not meeting people usually my child was sick. He started solids at 4 months and at tge start i was great at pureeing everything. But i struggled at the dinners for him, hes not 14 months and has never had meat, i also have an obsession about him choking, he now eats very little in creche etc .. i put off going to my parents cause my mom doesnt understand why im still pureeing, and why he doesn't eat mash or pasta or anything. I am not great at eating, and now mealtimes in our house are so frustrating because he eats nothing, i blame myself , because i became disinterested, stopped readingthe nutrition books was too much of an effort to go to grocey shopping its just terrible. My child is always sick with throat infections and again i blame myself cause of the smell of smoke on my clothes. Things with my partner are not great he has hisown issues with drink etc. I think hes so frustrated with me now, when the weekend comes aroundin my head im like yeah we'll go to animal farm with him or something but i end up staying in my dressing gown tol afternoon, and going back to bed with mu son for his nap .its not right for my poor baba, my partner is not very supportive, not once has he got up in the middle of the night to my son, i went out one night with the girls before returning to work, my child was up at midnight crying in bed with daddy wet nappy got no bottle, and he just gave him to me and gave put to me for going out on a sunday night, ive never gone out since then , im afraid that daddy doesnt look after him, also my partner got really drunk oct bank holiday, where police were called because he tried to choke me, everyone now not talking to me unless i move away from him, so now im totally on my own with no family support and my black hole is getting worse, insteas of my partner giving me support i got abused for going out or for him being frustrated with how im behaving. Im off work for two weeks on stress leave, i cant face getting up to go to work or put my child in creche, in the back of my mind , im also trying to think about leaving my partner maybe so all this on top of PND is crippling me, i exist now i dont live

Posted By Rachel on Dec 18, 2019

God love you, maybe your partner is depressed too? Sounds like you both need to visit your gp, I've been there, everyone who visits this page has been there. Try stop beating yourself up re smoking and your childs eating habits, none of us are perfect. I was a smoker for a long time, it's a very hard addiction to quit. Some kids are picky eaters anyway and will get better as they get older, 1 step at a time. Sending you strength to go get yourself some help, x

Posted By Anon on Mar 02, 2020

Hi just wondering how you are feeling now

Posted By PND Ireland on Jul 09, 2020

I am so sorry that you have been dealing with this situation and that you felt so alone, and that it took so long for us to get back to you. I hope the situation has improved, however we are always available to listen and help as best we can - we have a new helpline number 0834850689 or you can contact us @PND Ireland on Facebook any time.