Hi, thanks for taking the time to read and respond to me. I’ve a 12 week old baby who is really good. I’m blessed really. I have 3 other children. One of them is a toddler. Over the last three or four weeks I’m struggling with my feelings. I’m letting them take over and they are keeping me awake at night. I’m distracting myself by doing house work. My feeling are that my family treat me different than other siblings. They didn’t visit me often when baby was born but they visit other family members. My dad criticizes my decisions and how my other half works. He thinks my husband should be doing more but he is away early in the morning and back late working so I can be a SAHM. I’m comparing myself to my other sisters and brothers and I feel my parents have favorites and me and my family are low on the list. This normally doesn’t bother me but it is now. I could be in the car and I just start crying about it, I could be in the shower and I just cry. I love my family but feel they don’t support me or treat me the same as others. This has always been the case but it’s hurting me now. These thoughts are taking over. I feel like I’m thinking of it every time I have time to think and I’m crying a few times a day. I try snap out of it and think today will be good and then it’s not, something might happen or I starting thinking about it and feel so upset and alone. I hope I’m not like this to my children. I pour every once of love I have into my children. I’m hoping it passes soon. Some days I think I should just sit my parents down and say everything but I don’t want it to be turned on me saying I’m just jealous. They have a way of twisting things and making you feel guilty. I don’t know what to do.
I really feel your pain. You are obsessing and it is not good for you. We are very sensitive after we have a baby and are inclined to zone in on one area of their lives with you its your siblings and your parents. You said that you pour all your love into your kids and when they see this they probably think you are doing very well and dont need them. You need to ask for help, but no blaming that will not help as you said they can turn it on you. It sounds like you need a bit of space for yourself, I know you say you do lots of housework as a distraction but you need to get out and have some fun and some exercise. When you feel these thoughts come into your head try to change them to something positive. Have you a friend you can confide in? Keeping a diary also helps. Talk to your GP or Public Health Nurse , try to be positive and take one day at a time.
Thank you for your help Anna. Should I sit down and talk to my parents about it? Or do I try deal with my feelings myself and manage them better? I will start keeping a dairy. I don’t want to talk to doctor or PHN unless it is PND.