He did it for his ex and not me

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Posted By Anonymous on Feb 04, 2018

Hello ladies, I'm just here to have a rant I suppose! So I had my baby 12 weeks ago and my other half has a 5 year old son with his ex. Well I know how silly this is gonna sound but he got her flowers after she had his first son and I was promised I would get beautiful flowers too cos it's something that I kinda became slightly obsessed about. Anyway I had a great labour and I got my amazing beautiful baby boy...but no flowers! He explained he had no money which I understand given his job barely pays the bills but my argument is that he had my card and I obviously wouldn't have even noticed 20 quid gone for them. It's made me feel so worthless and completely not good enough compared, even though I know it's me he wants but I just can't shift it. He doesn't get how he made me feel like he had money to go out for dinner with his friend the night I had the baby. I don't really know what I'm looking for here but I can't get over how this has made me feel and I haven't cried for nearly 3 weeks and now I'm crying over this. He can't fix it now so how do we get passed it? With Valentine's coming up I know he's going to get me flowers that will just cause an argument. I'd love to tell him what he can do but I know I'll never ever forgive him.

Posted By Kay on Feb 07, 2018

Don't let this eat you up and it will at the end of the day he is with you. Of course you are hurt but you must move on, an obsession like this could actually lead to Postnatal Depression. Let him make it up to you for valentines and appreciate that you have a lovely baby.

Posted By Karen on Jul 14, 2018

This is a toughie. Forgiving is one thing, letting go is another. I wish I had a magic trick for this I could pass onto you. For me, it took a good three years of "how on earth do you let go and not regret things" to deciding to let go and not really doing it, to actually letting go. Every time the thought came into my head, I would say, that was how I felt but I'm now in the present and moving into the future. Not push the thought away but process it through. It can help to write a list of things you love your partner for. Yes, there was this one big mistake, but ten things you love about him. You can tell him you haven't got over it but are trying and you need reassurance that you are his focus now. Having a baby is a very destabilising time and you need every comment and action to reassure you and to reinforce his love and commitment to you. It is a lot to ask but if he had your hormones he would be asking it too. You question every little thing about yourself when you have a baby, the self doubt is overwhelming. So he has to provide the constant reassurance you need because you don't have the wherewithal to do it yourself. Ruminating and obsessive thoughts are controlling. Thoughts are not facts. They are as factual as a ripple in a pond. His action doesn't determine his relationship with you. What other aspects of your relationship are there, actual facts that prove his commitment and love of you? Good luck. X

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